Category Archives: Grace

Labyrinth Song

I didn’t have time, at the time, but this time I took the time.  When I got out of the car and chirped the locks, the labyrinth called to me. I didn’t really have the time, but I went, anyway.  It called to me, the deep resonant wind chime sang out and called to me.  As I crept in to peaceful sunken garden, the grackles who usually annoy me were drinking from the water in the cracks of the garden stones, from the water blown down onto the garden walk from the waterfall and the pool below.  The songbirds sang in time to the   and the waterfall.  The gate closed and the city receded and I spent a stolen ten minutes beneath the orange flowered ivy ceiling, listening to the peace and solitude (no one is ever here even though it is open to the public and a wonderful meditation garden that beckons).
I drank my coffee with its creamy, sweet, guilty pleasure and listened to the song.  I didn’t walk the labyrinth.  I did watch the birds and the water, and the ivy tendrils dancing from the ceiling in the wind.  It was a slow swaying dance, as gentle as the   song that it danced to.  The heat and noise forgotten.  The urgency to hurry to anywhere with it.
I didn’t have the time, but I took the time.  And this morning it made all the difference.



According to this site… Buddha was born around 565 B.C. in Lumbini in modern day Nepal. His name ‘Siddhattha Gautama,’ means ‘descendant of Gotama whose aims are achieved/who is efficacious in achieving aims’, he later became the Buddha (literally Enlightened … Continue reading



I’ve been watching Everest: Beyond the Limit lately on Planet Green.  It fascinates me.  It irritates me.  It is amazing.  Don’t get me wrong… I have the utmost respect for the people who train for months and years to be … Continue reading

Sometimes it really is all about perspective

Graces 9/30/10

1. Thursday is over.  It was a horribly busy day… it was 6:00 before I got “lunch”… missed yoga… tired… glad it is just over

2. The blush of a sunrise

3. getting the opportunity, after so many years, to be allowed to baby my baby girl.  She doesn’t like to need help, but she sometimes does need to be mommied.

4. The chillier nights mean that the dog likes to snuggle close…

5. Watching my babies grow up.


Let’s face it… mornings happen everywhere, every day.  While I completely understand that a lot of people aren’t morning people, but I think that to a great degree how you greet the morning is a lot like how you feel about the day.  You can choose to be cranky and crabby and to hate the day or you can enjoy the sunrise, the sound of the trains going through, the dew, the stars, the beginning of the day.

I love mornings.  I love to hear the trains down on the tracks… the sound carries so amazingly in the darkness.

I love to hear the birds come alive as the morning breaks

I love the peace of no one (for the most part) else up and around as I greet the day.

I was watching Sunrise Earth this morning (I love getting to see the whole thing on days when I work from home).  It was Arches National Park.  I realized that there are amazing things about just about everywhere in the early morning hours and that each place is incredibly unique and special.

Graces September 28, 2010…

1. cloudless starry skies

2. pumpkin coffee and joy tea

3. the fleeting glimpse of the hot air balloon

4. The smile of angel boy as he snuggles the dog

5. watching the dog roll in the mud of the creek just for the sheer joy of rolling in in.  NOW, of course, she is stinky and gray… but… she completely enjoyed it.


Fractured Angel Girl

Tonight I took a pit stop on the way to pick up the Squirrel at drill team practice.  Her friend was really upset and I stopped to talk to her. I’ve decided based on that conversation that I’m really a … Continue reading



It is Sunday afternoon.  There are some mares tales clouds in the sky, it is windy… the cold front (“cold” front) came through.  It is “only” 83 degrees.  Amandya is freezing. I’ve been sitting outside all afternoon and loving it.  … Continue reading

Thinking a lot on a Saturday Afternoon…


9 am took Adam’s teeny tiny laptop to Best Buy to have the cracked monitor screen (horribly cracked) fixed.  It will be at least a couple weeks before it gets back…  time will tell how well it will be fixed or if it will “just” be replaced.

Bent over to pick up the paper after I dropped it… and my back went out.  Hot bath didn’t help a whole lot.  I’m not hurrying anywhere… but if I stay in one position I can do this for the most part.  It should go back in in a couple days.

Psychologist appointment went amazingly well.  He is in the process of moving.  It is sad… he has been in that office as long as we have been here.  It is comfortable and familiar.  Now he is moving.  He told Amandya that he thinks she can scale way back on visits.  The crisis is over and she is gaining control again.  This is a good thing.

Panda Express for lunch… with a McDonalds pitt stop for coffee… mmmmm

Walmart for pills and I got Crochet Nylon… I’m making my own yoga strap.  I know they aren’t very expensive, but I have been wanting one and wanting to be able to customize my own strap… now I am.  I am nearly done with it… it feels good to have the progress and with the help it will give me in my practice and it makes me smile.

Graces Day 9.  September 25, 2010…

1. Pictures from home.  They were wonderful… and they made me smile and made me cry and made me feel so close and so far away.  They are a treasure.

2. Having external validation that Amandya is doing better.

3.  Having Amandya come tell me, for the first time in forever, that she was going to the park by herself.

4. Panda Express

5.  The idea of bringing together some stories that I have inside to bring it to the world…

Methotrexate Shots

It’s Friday.  Today was supposed to be the first time I gave myself my MTX shot in my stomach.  I sat on the commode for half an hour trying to “just drop the needle into the stomach”.  In the end, I was a weenie and I just couldn’t do it.  I’m not proud of this but it is what it is.  There was just something in my head keeping me from sticking myself.  Adam is sure that next week I will be able to do it.  I’m not so sure.  I do know that bear was my hero.  I handed the needle to him and he just… gave me my shot.  He said he was just thinking… it is a pin cushion… it is a pin cushion.  He made sure that I got the medicine I needed.

I SO don’t understand how anyone who doesn’t HAVE to do that to themselves can willingly stick the shiny little needle into their body on a routine basis.

Now, this week’s meds are done.  Yeah!!!

Amandya is asleep upstairs on her floor.  I’m not sure what it is about her floor, but she seems to like sleeping there.  It might just be that she doesn’t want to clean off the bed.  Whatever it is, she is curled up under her fuzzy Marine blanket (I bought yardage last year at Walmart for her… half of it is on her wall, the other half is her blanket).  She came home early today.  Her side hurts.  Her left side… not sure what is up.  I’m hoping rest will help.

Graces September 24, 2010 … Day 8

1.  Having someone I trust to give me my injection
2.  Getting a hug from someone who doesn’t “do” hugs… just because
3.  I made the day of the lady in the coffee shop in the lobby when I told her she looked good and had lost weight
4.  Realizing that maybe I do have a message and that it would be good to get that word out
5.  Planet Green.  I love the programs that are on Planet Green… 30 days… Beekman Boys… Everest… they may not all be like my life, but they are all life and they all talk to me.

Catching up with the good things…

Today is a bad day that turned around… it turned out wonderfully…

Today, I’m catching up… yesterday I had to work late and didn’t get in my writing… so here I am…

Graces September 22, 2010 day 6

1. A free cup of iced coffee (go frequent coffee cards!)

2. smiling, joking, friendly people working at Dunkin Donut at 6:30 am

3. Cars that have cat eyes for tail lights and faces in their back ends.  It makes driving into town a smiley thing.

4. Cream and Sugar

5. Getting my usual parking spot even though there was filming for something and all of the crew and extras were supposed to park in the parking garage where work pays for my parking.

6. Fall!!!  okay… 89 degrees isn’t exactly “fall”… not fall from my heart… but it is still fall… and I went out and spent an obscene amount of money on pumpkin spice coffee (ground coffee from Walmart) and 2 halloween bandanas (one is purple with ghosts… one is black with candy corn “faces” in the corners.

7. A goody bag of smelling things from home

Graces September 23, 2010… Day 7

1. Having the yoga teacher tell me that my mountain pose was perfect.  Okay… mountain pose is standing with your feet together, arms at your side, legs straight, but tucked under, shoulders down your back… breathing.   but it was good to have her say it was really good.  I can stand up straight… really is the little things

2. lavender tea

3. free cookies

4. Watching my daughter grown into such a strong young woman.  She faced today with a really crappy surprise and rather than get upset or run away, she faced it head on.  She found out that the person who was dumping on here wasn’t as powerful as she gave him credit for and that she is a stronger person than she gives herself credit for.  AND she has a lot of people noticing how strong she is.

5. Watching my son stick up for his sister.  Siblings can fight like cats and dogs, but it is good for her to know he does have her back.

6. Having my facebook status borrowed.  I was angry at the cause of #4 from today last night… someone who claimed he loved her dearly but who couldn’t life with her not loving him back was the source of her issues today.  Last night he told her that he was going to make her understand what it was like to hurt.  It really bothered me a lot and I posted a status…

Real love isn’t hurting someone just because you can. It is not hurting someone even though you know you could

and it struck home with more people than I thought it would.  Sometimes I get it… sometimes I can really verbalize what is in my heart.  Sometimes it strikes home with others.  Yes, mom, I’m paying attention.

Happy Thursday.