Coffee, Quiet, and doing the Needful…

Posted on May 14, 2010 | 2 comments

It is a quiet morning.  Yeah, Yeah, it’s 6:30 and I’ve been at this an hour… but it is a quiet morning anyway.

I got up and made coffee (now I am going to be drinking either iced, or at least cooled coffee while my tongue and roof of my mouth heal from yesterday’s holy crap fiasco at work… Where is my “stupid” sign) and pulled up my laptop onto the comfy couch and started moving (copying) Adam’s poetry off of Facebook (where noone will see them because he really doesn’t have many people he has friend-ed and some of the ones he has have gone by the way side… to where they can be seen by the world.

Anyone interested in a brand new take on the world, some interesting poems, and some deep thoughts on himself and the world… his new blog is Malshaunt “Snow” Delinarian’s Poetry Blog.  I was worried that he would be upset with me for putting it out there where people can see it, but I know that he wants people to read and think (and even comment…) on his poetry.  He’s had some run ins with people who are 1. poetry snobs… ones who only like THEIR poetry or ones who don’t like anything that doesn’t rhyme… and these are the people in poetry club… 2. people who don’t understand him or who look at him and think he can’t be a poet, he doesn’t look like one.  Now he is a little gun shy on putting himself on the line.

He wasn’t upset though… he was actually excited and wanted to know how long before people start reading his stuff (14 did yesterday and I was only one of them when I was making sure that the blog actually worked).

Sometimes I feel like a total wash up as a parent… sometimes not so much.  This morning (I’m so glad that my hands aren’t hurting the way they did yesterday and the only ouchies are from yoga and stretching) I’m doing something that makes me feel like an adequate parent.

Happy Friday.

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Honor Yourself

Posted on May 13, 2010 | Leave a comment

It’s Thursday Evening… Tomorrow is 10 more MTX pills and Saturday morning is Vern’s No Frills 5k.  Tonight is… time to think.

I showed up early at Yoga this morning… not WAY early, but early enough to have a chat with my favorite Yoga instructor… She noticed that I have been making adaptations to the poses frequently… keeping weight and pressure off of my wrists and hands.  Not always, but often enough that she notices.

She told me to honor my body and honor my practice.  It is less about doing it “right” than connecting with myself and doing it.  Approaching my mat with intention and doing what I do with  a Yoga purpose. She also taught me some poses that are hand specific… some she gave a name to (like spider) some she just showed me.  It is great.

Today during class we spent most of the time connecting with our breath… connecting poses with breaths… even adding some new poses, like dolphin and tree and eagle.  We also paid respect to the New Moon… by doing crescent moon pose.  It was a good day on the mat, and I actually thought.

Which was good, because when I got up this morning, my hands (both hands) hurt an 11.  It was awful.  I stooped to taking my industrial strength Anti-inflamatory.  I feel guilty taking it… isn’t that stupid…

Tomorrow (pager comp time day… woohoo… woohoo) I meet with the visitor’s bureau lady to discuss the 5k and to commit to really really doing this.  Today I emailed some people  at the school about getting some volunteers (/dev/null… great… great bit bucket in the sky… ).  I will perservere.

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Wow, what you don’t know

Posted on May 7, 2010

It has been an adventuresome week… an educational week…. and a week full of toys… Tonight I sit on the edge of 10 more MTX enjoying the feeling decent while I still can. Saturday Amandya had another seizure.  SO… 6 … Continue reading →

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Depression Kind of Sucks

Posted on May 1, 2010 | 1 comment

I don’t know what to attribute it to… whether it is to the fact that I’ve been aching and having the feeling like my hands are falling asleep…or my reaction to all that is going on in Squirrel’s life (or the fact even that everyone in the whole freaking world feels like they are ignoring me when I’m trying to bust my behind end to get a non profit… A Day Like No Other…on its feet and the first annual Round Rock Purple Day 5k planning under way)…or maybe even (in part) the fact that I got one physical birthday card and one e-card for my birthday last week… (and yeah… I have been feeling just a tad sorry for myself… and the fact that I got an email from my ‘sister’ telling me that she will still have to get those few Christmas presents that she threatened to send when Squirrel was in the hospital… in FEBRUARY…  and which she keeps telling me she’s going to have to get sent… because I believe her anyway… still waiting for my happy 29 birthday sweatshirt and I’m 45 now… )… yeah… I’m feeling a little sorry for myself.  The cake was wicked good… and dinner was wonderful…

Whatever it is… I have been in a hugely horrible funk for DAYS… walking isn’t helping… tea isn’t helping… yoga isn’t helping (even RA Guy’s meditation which sounds so wonderful isn’t working… ).  I can’t seem to shake the little black rain cloud that has been hovering over my head.

What’s really depressing… even Disney music isn’t working…

I was reading RA Guy’s blog this morning and I think that, if I make a truly concerted effort (truly scrumptious… she’s truly truly scrumptious… ) and really meditate… maybe that will help.

I will put in my copy of Tibetan Bowls and just… loose myself.

I can’t handle this feeling… it is just… so not me.

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Just Keep Swimming…

Posted on April 25, 2010 | Leave a comment

No… it actually was probably warm enough today to swim (I know it was the last couple days) but it is more the “Finding Nemo” version of just keep swimming… just keep swimming… What do we do?  We Swim…

Never been quite sure if Dory was just too dumb to stop swimming or if she was the eternal optimist…

I keep singing the song (sometimes in my head… sometimes… much to Squirrel Girl’s embarrassment… out loud… ) because I’m trying to remind myself to just keep on keeping on.

I’m so over having infected “ingrown toenails”… I just get one healed and another one gets going… It started on my big toe… first right one… then left one (never gets into my left one…)… now it is back to right foot and it is my next toe over (the equivalent of the pointer finger on your foot).

I’m so getting tired of all of this.

And I so know that it is something I’m going to have to keep swimming to deal with (I wonder if the pool water would actually help it… hmmm).

It was a wonderful walk today… Bear’s blood pressure is starting to normalize.  He’s still pretty gung-ho on loosing weight and cutting fat (and Pepsi) from his diet… He is even feeling guilty for eating some of my birthday cake Friday night and the accompanying ice cream (Bryers Neapolitan… YUM… It’s official… I’m old

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Just Be (from my mom)

Posted on April 21, 2010 | 1 comment

We lead such busy lives, sometimes its hard to slow down, take a deep breathe and, as they say, “be in the moment.”  I ran across this the other day and thought it was worth sharing.  So, please take a moment, read and just “be”.
A Dog’s Purpose

A veterinarian had been called to examine a 10 year old dog, Belker.  The dog’s owners, Ron and his wife, Lisa and their little boy, Shane, were very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. The vet examined Belker and found the dog was dying of cancer.  He told the family there was nothing that could be done and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As arrangements were made, Ron and Lisa told the vet they thought it would be good for 6 year old Sharon to observe the procedure.  They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, as Belker’s family surrounded him, Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, the vet wondered if he understood what was going on.  Within a few minutes Belker slipped away peacefully. The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion.  As they sat together for a while after Belker’s death, they wondered aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.” Startled, everyone turned to him. What came out of his mouth was the most comforting explanation the vet had ever heard.
He said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life – like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The six year old continued, “Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When a loved one comes home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face be pure ecstasy.
Take naps.  Stretch before rising.
Run, romp and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass
On hot days drink lots of water and lie under a shade tree
When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simply joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you are not.
If what you want is buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Enjoy every moment of every day.

My hope for you this week is that you that you Live Simply, Love Generously, Care Deeply,  Speak Kindly and just “be”.

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A Stitch in Time

Posted on April 19, 2010 | 1 comment

When I was growing up, I watched my great aunt crochet.  She made some of the most beautiful doilies.  She could look at a doily and tell you if it is the “right” side or the “wrong” side of the doily.

I’m not that good.  I can tell you, usually, the stitches that were used in the doily and sometimes even the pattern that was used… if I really work at it, I can usually copy a pattern by looking at the piece… usually.

Grandma Deniker, Aunt Bea and my mommy taught me how to work with fiber.  It is something that I really enjoy.  It is calming.  I have made dog jackets, shawls, blankets, scarves, gloves (mittens too) and a TRUCK load of head band/wrist band sets… (these are because my ears hurt when they get cold and my wrists/hands have ached for YEARS when they get cold).

One thing that mom told me when I was diagnosed was about my great great aunt and how she loved to crochet and, when she had sever RA how she had to come up with creative ways to hold the work and hold the hooks to keep doing the work she enjoyed.

Needless to say I was worried.  I love to work with fiber.  Some days I enjoy cotton thread… some days yarn… some days really thin yarn (half way between normal yarn and thread).  I even took up hookless crochet for a little while (which isn’t easy but is fun).

When I work with yarn, I can usually work with a big enough project that I can cover up my cold achey fingers and hands with the work on occasion, to make them feel better.  I carry a couple wrist warmers just about all the time because they are great.  I can put on topical pain cream (I love tiger balm) and it keeps the cream on my body and it adds the “hold the heat in” factor too… and keeps the slime from getting all over everything.

There are days when it hurts an awful lot to work with anything… the inflammation just makes it hard to hold the yarn/thread and the hook… and making everything move the right way is difficult.  But I’m working on a couple of comfort/ghans… and knowing what I’m doing makes it all worth the trying.

I’m working on Amandya one for when she is feeling put upon by the seizures (like today… she had another one this morning) … it will be many different colors of granny squares… This is the one that I’m working on the hardest because it is for my squirrel girl and it makes me feel good that I will be able to always be there wrapping her in love.

I’m working on one (not quite as hard) for Adam so he always knows that he is loved, too.  Again… granny squares (because I can weave pieces of yarn that I love into bigger pieces of love to them.

I’m also making some spare squares for one that I want to make for me.  Mine might not get quite so big… maybe more of a shawl because it is smaller and not as hard to get the squares for… but I’m working on it anyway… so I can curl up and feel warm and covered up.

I curl up now with my mile-a-min lace throw… the one my mommy made me… it is one of the things that I have that I treasure dearly… that throw and my friendship block quilt that dutchy made me…

it is the small things.

I wish Amandya were interested in learning to crochet so I could pass this on to her… but it is something I treasure anyway…

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Suddenly Sunday Again

Posted on April 18, 2010 | 1 comment

It’s been quite a week… again… sorry… life is getting ahead of me a lot…

This week was StonyPoint Orchestra Concertthe Pre-UIL orchestra concert… which wiped out Tuesday night.  Don’t they look cute all gussied up?  She hates wearing her gown… he actually likes wearing a tux (go figure).

It was a damp and rainy week and that caused me to ache in marvelous new ways… so I watched their concert but went out into the school hallway to lay on the bench and listen to the rest of the concert.  My knuckles and wrists and ankles have been poking at me and it was not always fun.

BUT… This is a picture from laying on the bench….

It was really interesting to lay there and look up at the flags.  I’m not sure what the criteria is for making it into the roof… because there are lots of flags that I would have thought would be there but that aren’t.  China isn’t there… but Japan is.  Mexico is (duh) but not Australia… it was an interesting study in trying to figure out what is going on with the school.

Apollo is a wonderfully happy dogWednesday was the day that bear went to get put on high blood pressure meds.  Thursday I worried all day because his BP went from 183/107 to 90/58… whoah… big change.  He is getting used to the meds but feeling generally crappy.

Friday was work from home…. I was totally freaking out because I was running out of time to get my MTX script called in and (like it or not) I”m kind of hooked on the chemotherapy drugs that are pushing the ouchies back.  BUT Sean came through and called in the meds… which I took.

I actually didn’t feel as crappy when I got up Saturday morning (which is good since I volunteered to work at Vern’s No Frills 5K) and even though I ached a LOT I went and learned and had a wonderful time.  The brindle puppy is such a wonderful dog… cute… chuck full of personality…

In case there was any doubt… the park where Vern’s is held is in Texas.  This is a part of the sidewalk where I was directing the racers.  I thought the inlay is really pretty.  I have never seen anywhere as prod of where they are as Texas is…

I loved being out in the park.  I was SO worried I wouldn’t be able to find the place… it is kind of… over the river and through the woods but it is a wonderful park.  It has two really cool inhabitants…

Not sure of their names, but they know when the caretakers is on her way with their carrots.

Vern’s No Frills 5k is an awesome race… it costs $1 for anyone not under 18 (free for 18 and under).  It was started by a really cool guy who I would have loved to have known who worked to get people to realize that running and walking is fun… thus the race….  It was wonderful to watch the runners (Vern’s has a facebook page where I posted a link to all of the pictures if you want to see them…

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=162614&id=510362373&l=e1558d1096

The people who ran are wonderful and I think (given what I’ve heard about Vern) he would approve.

The people who run the race (Georgetown Running Club) are awesome supportive people who run a non-profit geared to teaching people that running or walking can just be fun.  And they are right… and this was a lot of fun.

Got home in time to walk to HEB.. 2 Oranges and BP taken… 7 miles…

Today was our Sunday walk.  I love our Sunday walk… The wild flowers are holding on… and they are still stunning.  If I can’t have October in Western PA at least spring in Central Texas are pretty and colorful too.

AND

It is the season for ants to come back out.

Fire ants suck.  Plain and simple.  I wear size 8 shoes… that tell you how big this hill is?  Ankle high… eesh.  And there were hundreds of them all along the walk.  Happy spring.

Walmart had stainless steel water bottle (my Aluminum ones have been starting to make the water taste funny and I did some digging… apparently they can leach out chemicals into the water as well as making it taste weird… ) which I got and we drink lots of water on our walks now (which is good).  It is still as damp day… so I’m achy… my ankles have been really bothering me… and my wrists and knuckles… all week this week.  I have been (stupidly) trying to tough out the stiffness and the ouchies by not taking Aleve… which I rectified today and it made the 21800 steps easier…. still a bit stiff but not nearly so bad…

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A week of reality checks

Posted on April 16, 2010

It’s been an interesting week.   I had good news on Monday… my thyroid test was normal.  Guess that shoots that whole deal on blaming my not being able to loose weight on THAT… ah well… was worth a shot. … Continue reading →

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Clickity Clickity Click

Posted on April 12, 2010

Today we got shiny new pedometers (the first 100 people through the conference room door) to help track the number of steps we take a day… so we would all go sign up for the 10000 step deal… Now people … Continue reading →

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