A little more from the saga of People Like Me…
Warning… this is a little less positive… a lot less Mary Sunshine, and definitely not Pollyanna…
I’m sitting in front of a wide open window, birds are hopping around the back yard. Dandelions and what daddy called bumblebee flowers are blooming in the grass (what little grass there is, I’m thinking most of it is weeds). The bedroom isn’t cleaning itself. Oh well, sucks to be the bedroom. I will get there.
This week I actually caved in and went to the rheumy about my leg. I got tired of it feeling tired all the time and feeling like I’m half dragging my foot. Turns out I was right with the feeling.
There is a very slight chance this is associated with my Enbrel. Better chance it is associated with a herniated disk. X-Rays happened on Thursday. Followed closely by pouting and feeling sorry for myself. I did the requisite mourning… I think… at least for now. First of the week I “get” to have an MRI…
The look on Dr Booth’s face when she could easily push my left leg down… and when she couldn’t get the desired reflex reaction in my Achilles tendon… is stuck in my head and is one of the things that is scaring the crap out of me.
I wasn’t ready to buy a cane. But that is something I did today.
I’m scared. I don’t like being scared. But I’m back to (almost) being the eternal optimist.
Man… I’m not always the happiest person in the world when I feel yukky… but this is ridiculous
I have a cough
I have a headache
My injection site (thanks to working from home because of the bad icy roads this morning… I got to get it early so I can sleep through as much of the itchy as I can) isn’t bad.
But man… This cold has kicked me and I am way totally cranky. This is new and I totally don’t like it. Theraflu and bed… I’m hoping this isn’t foreboding…
It’s been a long and thought full day. The more that I go through today the more that I think that if you are going to be a quack you should be a duck not a doc. I am watching … Continue reading
There are just days when trying to make things matter just doesn’t work.
I hate the long lonely drive into work every day. You can only listen to so much NPR without going crazy over the world economy and the BP oil spill (GO GREEN… save the environment… oh wait… pollute the whole world in a month). I can’t even work up the ambition to get angry at the stupid drivers who don’t use those nifty devices that they have on their cars when they want to shove their way into your lane… you know them… the levers on the left of the steering wheel… the TURN SIGNALS…
I have been hurting the last few days a lot and it has been exhausting to just keep going. I go lay down early in the evening and I know it irritates everyone. I’ve been on MTX long enough, it is pushing back the swelling. I shouldn’t be having days like the last couple where I don’t even feel like breathing…
Some days… it just doesn’t feel like there is much of a point.
It’s been another not so great day. The weekend, on the whole, wasn’t horrible. The 10 MTX did hit me hard but it wasn’t totally unexpected and a little extra nappy poo helped. Tea helped. Hot bath helped. It wasn’t … Continue reading
Wow… there is something to be said for not starting to feel better… If you stay hurting and feeling like crap for the most part… you don’t notice so much when you have a day when you feel way worse. … Continue reading
Sunday was a half an half kind of day… the walk did me good, which it always does… and the meatloaf went over wonderfully. It had been years since I had made meatloaf and the LAST time the dog ate it for days. This time, she got a few of the crumbs (different dog) but it all got eaten and it was a big hit. I was impressed. I have already had requests to make another one… which I will probably do before too awfully long.
Monday was a HORRIBLE day. It was rainy, but that just meant it was gray and wet and that usually is a reason, here, to celebrate, even if it kicks the ouchies up a notch. Work meant that I “got” to play catch up with all of the things that other people were TOO busy to do (like over communicate to the users that they might have issues after the maintenance that they did… if you have problems… blah blah blah… so who do they turn to? the stupid one who they know will drop everything and help them with their problems… can you PLEASE adjust the KICK ME sign so it is at least straight on my back?). While stuff was running I looked at my two hands laying on the table… big mistake. That kicked in a massive pity party.
My right hand has lumps and bumps and swollen places that my left hand doesn’t have. I don’t know if, because the overall swelling has gone down (I”m now convinced that this is likely due to prednisone rather than MTX… but I hope I’m wrong) that I notice it more, or if I’m just noticing it. Whatever the reason, it brought on a bout of depression that feels a lot to me like a HUGE pity party and I really don’t like it.
For about two days it was all I could do to not cry and half the time I spent crying and snapping at everyone.
Today, I’m feeling a little better… and I’m trying really hard to kick the blues out.
DD has her QUACKING neurologist appointment today (he quacked when DS went… I keep hoping that he doesn’t quack with her… but we have a long track record with quacking…. so I don’t have a lot of faith). This means going in to work a bit late.
Half Marathon is in 3 days. I’m getting psyched. It is going to be breezy but the sleet, slimy weather should have blown out by then.
I have one question <WARNING WARNING… female question!!!> for anyone who has been on MTX and noticed… did it change your periods? Mine, which were like heaven sent ones… 2 days tops, light and barely noticeable before… are not an entire week and heavy flow and annoying. This is one side affect that I could TOTALLY do without… eesh.
It was an incredibly busy week at work (which bespeaks to why I haven’t had the time to post to any great degree…) but now it is Sunday morning… and quiet (I have a giant warm Bichon curled up at … Continue reading
It is a Back to the Doctor Monday. Funny… gives “that time of the month” a whole NEW connotation…
Looks like (surpise surprise) I have inflamation in my body (according to my lab work). I kind of figured that out without actually having to go through the blood work. My toes, my ankles, my knees, my wrists and my fingers… yeah… pretty sure the bloodwork is right.
Looks like, according to Dr, pill form of MTX isn’t working the way she was hoping. If it doesn’t start helping more (more than… none on a good day… or negative on a ‘normal’ day???), I will have to start on the injectable form… which the insurance won’t pay for if I buy it from the pharmacy… I have to go to the office and have them inject me and then it will be covered after I meet my deductable….
I guess that means I will be in the Dr office every week rather than “just” once every 5 or 6 weeks unless the 6 pills or 8 pills start to do something.
In the mean time, I’m back on predisone… 5mg a day… I’m kind of glad… that will help me get through the race and deal with the swelling and the pain a little better.
I’m trying really hard to stay posotive, but you know… it’s hard. Knowing that I’m costing so much right now… and that it isn’t likely to get better (did I mention that my HSA card didn’t actually WORK and I had to put the dr appointment on credit card until I can get it all straightened out?). I am more swelled and achy than I was 6 weeks ago.
I’m just overall sad today… feeling very “poor me”… and to add insult to injury… I gained 5 pounds…
Well… last night I upped my MTX to 6. Not sure if it will do any good… starting to have my doubts… but something will… I have to have faith. Got up this morning queezy… no great big shock there… … Continue reading